Shocker of the Century

June 17, 2005

Wow! What big fucking suprise! Luke is now single again. A whole… what… 3 weeks? Damn. I’m a keeper.

So I go over to Edward’s tonight to hang out with him and Bess. His mom makes us dinner. We chill. We watch TV in his room for the last like 2 hours of the night and Bess and I are on the bed, playing around and making each other laugh while Edward is on the computer the whole time. He was helping a friend break up with his girlfriend (ironic, no?). So I felt kinda neglected, however dumb and selfish that may be. Ao at like 11:30, Bess is asleep and Edward is still on the computer so I say I’m leaving and hug Bess goodbye and Edward walks me out to my car. He hugs me, says I love you, looks at me in the eyes, tells me I’m wonderful, then hugs me and says that he doesn’t think that this will work. He has personal things he needs to work out that he needs to get out of the way. But still wants to be friends. Then kisses me and off we go. I get into my car and, kinda stunned, sit there for a few minutes thinking about what just happened, then I go home.

So a few things are bothering me now.

– I feel left out that I couldn’t be told of what problems these were that made him break up with me, but rather bitter about this so I also don’t want to know however much of an ass that makes me sound like.

– I feel really sad. I haven’t cried but then again, I generally don’t.

– I feel really stupid to have let this happen to me again. This seems to be a trend. I fall for someone and they let me fall by and don’t catch me.

– I feel irrationally angry. But thats just me.

– I feel… tired… of all this…

Im gonna go write. I feel like shit.

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