She is SO the man!

August 29, 2006

I’m laying on my couch watching “She’s The Man,” the first movie of my Netflix subscription that Charlie bought me! Pretty much the funniest movie that I’ve seen in a long time. The only thing that would make this better would be to have Charlie cuddled up next to me.

Even though we got to spend two nights together this weekend, I’ve found myself feeling really lonely these last few days. I dunno why… Blah. Plus the last two days we haven’t had much chance to talk. He’s been pretty tired because of work and so our phone conversations have been kinda short. But it’s not a big deal, its understandable. This school year looks like it’s gonna be pretty tough too, our schedules are gonna be really muddled. Though I don’t doubt we’ll be able to work it out. Since (presumedly) neither of us will be working on weekends most of the time, so that should leave some opportunity. Hopefully we can hang out at some point this week too, it would help me out of my funk I think.

Tomorrow night Danny, Mel, and I might be goin clubbin’. That might go a long way toward getting my mood out of the gutter too.

Well my movie is over, might go ahead and start Batman Begins while I burn this one. Hooray for piracy! lol

Good night!


And I’m on my way…

August 27, 2006

I now join the world of the crazy 19 year old… =P

My birthday was on Friday, I’ve been meaning to post for a couple days now. I had pretty much the most amazing birthday ever! The night before I ended up stopping by Mel’s house after work because I wanted to help her out by mowing her jungle of a yard. Afterward she suggested I just stay the night, which seemed like a great idea, so we hung out, Eric came over, Danny came over, and we all had a crazy night looking up wierd/funny porn and laughing our asses off! I finally ended up getting to sleep at like 2 in the morning and was tired as hell when I finally woke up at 7:30 the next morning (45 mins after I should have).

I sped my ass on home to go out ot breakfast with my family to the Train Station up in Shingle Springs and had a GREAT breakfast of biscuits and gravy. I spent pretty much the most of my day being lazy and just relaxing, and I couldn’t have asked for anything else. Charlie was planning on being at my house by around 5:30, so I went ahead and took a nap at 2:30, thinking I’d be safe. Well at like 4 he calls and says he’s gonna be really early. How early? Oh just 4:30 lol. So I jumped into the shower and managed to be half dressed by the time he got here.

Oh boy, let me tell you… He looked FOINE! Dark charcoal grey suit pants and jacket, really nice shoes, a black tie, and a deep blood read dress shirt with black pinstripes. He is SO sexy!! I wore my new black slacks and my black suit coat with my brand new blue modern stripe dress shirt my parents bought me for my birthday. Anyway, we finally took off to an unknown location (Charlie wouldn’t tell me where we were going). We get to Old Sac, and to my surprise, we were going to The Firehouse! Dinner was AMAZING! I had duck for the first time ever, and it was really good. Dessert was heavenly. But nothing compared to the amazing guy smiling across the table at me!

Anyhoo, after dinner he wouldn’t tell me where we were going next. Turns out we were just going across the street to the Embassy Suites where he had gotten us a SUPER nice room on the top floor! We spent a great night together, pretty much topping off the best birthday I’ve ever had.

The day after was our 9 month too, but we didn’t do anything big, which is totally cool, considering Charlie gave me the best birthday ever! I can’t believe that it’s been 9 months already! He makes me so happy all the time, and that hasn’t changed other than to get stronger throughout this whole time. It hurts to not be able to see him as much as I’d like sometimes, but it just serves to make the time we do get together that much more amazing. And while 9 months is a long time, especially in gay relationships, I can totally see it lasting indefinately. Normally in my relationships before its always been a feeling of “Wow this is cool and great, but I could see it ending, oh well, enjoy it while it lasts!” But with Charlie its more of feeling that I don’t see it ending any time soon, that if something came along to endanger it, I would do anything in my power to make it right.

Last night was kinda fun too, we went to Sean’s house (Sean is Charlie’s best friend) and we went to 2 different parks and played Hide-n-Seek! It was fun up until we changed parks to this really huge playground called Playground of Dreams. It was actually a really awesome park but at night it was really creepy. I ended up losing my keys somewhere too, so I had to stay the night at Sean’s on the air mattress. SO stressful.

ANYWAY I could actually probably rattle on for longer about other crap but I’ll spare that pain and anguish. =)

So just got home from sac. I initially was just gonna go to Arden and back, but i ended up going over to Travis’ house and hanging out with he and Claire for a while, then Claire left and Travis was on the computer for a while and then was apparently exhausted so i went home.

Ive been all insecure about my relationship lately, but Travis put it to rest kinda… I’m apparently more insecure than I thought. He said that he does really like me a lot and so far theres been nothing to change that. Im lame and start thinking people dont like me anymore for no reason. I dont know how to fix it either, and its a really disheartening feeling. Maybe i just need to be reassured more often? But then im being high maintenance and would come off as totally clingy and needy… which I don’t want to be either. BAH. Im a weird person.

Whatever, I just need to realize that he does like me and thats that. I like him, a lot actually, so that should be all that matters.

The distance doesnt matter to me, i have a good income and a good mileage car that makes it not a big problem.

The fact that he hangs out with his ex isnt a problem, as theyre just friends. Kinda a natural “Ehh” kinda suspiciousness about that whole situation but thats just background noise and ive pushed that aside. I trust him, and ive been assured that its nothing.

Basically its great. Tuesday (well wednesday really but i work) is our one month and i have something planned that I haven’t told him about yet, so I cant post it here til it happens.

Anyhoo. Im done.

So I got out of a not long relationship like 5 days ago. And I just got into another tonight. Me 3 months ago would be like “Whaaat? You need to wait longer, that looks bad and you’re not ready!” But i think I am. I need to stop doing what I think looks good appearances-wise and what i think is the right thing to do (which im usually wrong about anyway lol) and start doing more of what makes me happy. I need to take risks and leaps of faith. Either something will work out or it wont, and if it doesnt i need to learn from it. Like tonight. He asked if I’d be his boyfriend and the first thing that went through my mind was “But its so soon since i got out of a relationship, shouldnt I wait?” So i said id think about it. But as i thought about it, I realised ive moved on pretty securely from last week and the closure i thought i wanted isnt as important and wouldnt bring me any more peace of mind than just moving on would bring. So i decided to do something I never wouldve dreamed of 3 months ago. I took a leap of faith in it working out well and said yes. So now I have a boyfriend again. He’s gorgeous. And awesome. And I dont care what people think.


June 19, 2005

I just might be getting a hang of this whole updating thing!

Yesterday I went to the mall with Melissa and Jenn and had a blast! “JELLIES!!!” I did some theraputic shopping, got a ring from Pac Sun, 2 pairs of cheap sunglasses, and an outfit all on sale from Express so I can look professional for my interview tomorrow at Mimi’s. Then i worked and it was dumb and my manager is kinda a douche.

Today i went to church with the parents and grandma and then came home and helped start on the staining of the decks. It’s gonna be a long week.

I think i’m over the breakup, or getting there. I’m still kinda wondering if “personal problems” was the real reason, but it doesnt matter. I’m ready to get back into the dating thing, but I know if i TRY, i’ll end up in this situation again, but if i don’t ill get frustrated. I hate sitting around not doing anything. So its a dilemma for now.

Anyway, Josh Groban is making me melty inside at the moment, so I’m gonna jet.


February 15, 2005

~lol…it was “well, since i gave you a hug, you have to give me a kiss”~


I’m in a very smiley mood.
First time in quite a while that this subject has made me smile so much.
You know who you are and what you did. =)

The word “twitterpated” comes to mind.
Gracias Bambi.


Assessment testing for college today.
ARC is so close.
High school will end in a few months time.
And though Ive said I’m ready so much and so often, i dont know if i am.
High School has has pain.
Heartbreak and heartache.
Harsh realities of its own.
But at the same time it has had joy.
Amazingly positive life lessons.
And Im not sure if im ready to leave.
After this summer, I wont see so many of you guys ever again.
So many people are eager to get out of here, me included.
I only wish we could all somehow get out of here together.

i was running late for work
so i didn’t change my shirt
and the evening’s drinks
left a lingering taste in my mouth

and when i left, you were fast asleep
tangled in the sheets, and on the bus
i could have sworn it was all a dream
it didn’t happen to me

and then i felt the scrapes
from a slippery subway grate
oh, how you laughed
at my complete lack of grace
but i could not recall a more perfect fall
’cause when i looked up into your eyes
it didn’t hurt at all

and i thought, be still my heart
this could be a brand new start with you
and it will be clear
if i wake up and you’re still here with me
in the morning

and i thought, be still my heart
this could be a brand new start with you
and it will be clear
if i wake up and you’re still here with me
in the morning

be still my heart
this could be a brand new start with you
and it will be clear
if i wake up and you’re still here with me
in the morning


September 4, 2004

Yea, I dunno.

I feel like shit. Which scares me because I have no idea why, at least not why I feel bad just right now.

I was going to go on a date today, but nooo i had to stay home and be here with mi madre all day when ive been saying for a week how i was gonna go do something today, and no one objected. Sam was here, and I figured he was going to be here with mom, but he just kinda left on a motorcycle ride. I had like 2 hours to myself today, and I went and hung out with Adam at It’s a Grind and then we went to Folsom and Sunrise so he could pay some bills.

This bag of Starburst makes me mad. Its mostly orange and yellow.

Like most everyone else, not EVERYONE but a lot, Im pissed off at the male species. I want a boyfriend. Really badly. I want someone who I can go see and cuddle with. And share with.

My friend situation is as wierd as ever. I have a lot of friends, and some awesome ones are mixed in, but I dont have a best friend. I havent since Nikki and I grew apart. I think I’m getting used to it, but the fact that I dont have a best friend kinda saddens me. Most people know who theyre walking with at Graduation, I don’t even know where to start. I dont have anyone to call when something super exciting happens, and no one that calls my parents “mom and dad” too. I want that.

Another fuckin orange starburst.

And a yellow. Suprise suprise.

Oh well. I’m gonna go read or something.

God. Emo is seeping out of everything i type lately. I miss TJ. Im gonna get the pics of he and I off of my camera sometime. I’ll put a few up here if I feel like it. I feel really crappy tonight. I worked. Afterward i called ever person on my cell phone address book and no one could go see “A Cinderella Story” with me. So i stayed home. I went to Hollywood Video and dropped off “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” and “Notorious C.H.O.” and hung out with Adam and Vicky in front of It’s a Grind for a while, bought water to change my fish’s water at safeway, came home, changed my fish’s water, and here i am now.

My life is boring. I kinda want school to start. Even the drama would be a nice refresher. Oh well.

I want TJ to be here. I want to be held again. No one holds me except him. I guess im not close enough to anyone else to feel comfterble cuddling. Except D. I can cuddle with her. Shes the only one that seems to want to cuddle.

Im tired.

Good night.

Missing him…

July 22, 2004

I miss him.

He needs to come back to me….


June 18, 2004

Im nervous about tomorrow. I am gonna tell my parents about me and Danny, though they may already know. Hes turning 18 on monday, and Id rather tell them we’re dating before then so they’ll know. Im sure theyll be sensible in the end, but I’m still so nervous about talking to them about anything pertaining to me being gay and active in the gay community. Grawr. Maybe this will be the thing to show them that im serious about who i am and that they really cant change me. I love danny so much, ive never felt anyhting like this about anyone before. When we’re cuddling, its just like, how could something so right be considered wrong? It just… fits. Ugh. I need sleep if Im gonna do this.