=D

June 30, 2005

So Travis is totally too sweet. He risked driving up to see me withouta licence AND with Nick in the truck. Dumb, but im really glad he came. I wanted to see him hella bad. Hopefully I’ll be going down friday after work, get some good cuddle time in…

Other than that, everythings average. Nothing out of the norm to report.

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So I got out of a not long relationship like 5 days ago. And I just got into another tonight. Me 3 months ago would be like “Whaaat? You need to wait longer, that looks bad and you’re not ready!” But i think I am. I need to stop doing what I think looks good appearances-wise and what i think is the right thing to do (which im usually wrong about anyway lol) and start doing more of what makes me happy. I need to take risks and leaps of faith. Either something will work out or it wont, and if it doesnt i need to learn from it. Like tonight. He asked if I’d be his boyfriend and the first thing that went through my mind was “But its so soon since i got out of a relationship, shouldnt I wait?” So i said id think about it. But as i thought about it, I realised ive moved on pretty securely from last week and the closure i thought i wanted isnt as important and wouldnt bring me any more peace of mind than just moving on would bring. So i decided to do something I never wouldve dreamed of 3 months ago. I took a leap of faith in it working out well and said yes. So now I have a boyfriend again. He’s gorgeous. And awesome. And I dont care what people think.

Woot

June 19, 2005

I just might be getting a hang of this whole updating thing!

Yesterday I went to the mall with Melissa and Jenn and had a blast! “JELLIES!!!” I did some theraputic shopping, got a ring from Pac Sun, 2 pairs of cheap sunglasses, and an outfit all on sale from Express so I can look professional for my interview tomorrow at Mimi’s. Then i worked and it was dumb and my manager is kinda a douche.

Today i went to church with the parents and grandma and then came home and helped start on the staining of the decks. It’s gonna be a long week.

I think i’m over the breakup, or getting there. I’m still kinda wondering if “personal problems” was the real reason, but it doesnt matter. I’m ready to get back into the dating thing, but I know if i TRY, i’ll end up in this situation again, but if i don’t ill get frustrated. I hate sitting around not doing anything. So its a dilemma for now.

Anyway, Josh Groban is making me melty inside at the moment, so I’m gonna jet.

Shocker of the Century

June 17, 2005

Wow! What big fucking suprise! Luke is now single again. A whole… what… 3 weeks? Damn. I’m a keeper.

So I go over to Edward’s tonight to hang out with him and Bess. His mom makes us dinner. We chill. We watch TV in his room for the last like 2 hours of the night and Bess and I are on the bed, playing around and making each other laugh while Edward is on the computer the whole time. He was helping a friend break up with his girlfriend (ironic, no?). So I felt kinda neglected, however dumb and selfish that may be. Ao at like 11:30, Bess is asleep and Edward is still on the computer so I say I’m leaving and hug Bess goodbye and Edward walks me out to my car. He hugs me, says I love you, looks at me in the eyes, tells me I’m wonderful, then hugs me and says that he doesn’t think that this will work. He has personal things he needs to work out that he needs to get out of the way. But still wants to be friends. Then kisses me and off we go. I get into my car and, kinda stunned, sit there for a few minutes thinking about what just happened, then I go home.

So a few things are bothering me now.

– I feel left out that I couldn’t be told of what problems these were that made him break up with me, but rather bitter about this so I also don’t want to know however much of an ass that makes me sound like.

– I feel really sad. I haven’t cried but then again, I generally don’t.

– I feel really stupid to have let this happen to me again. This seems to be a trend. I fall for someone and they let me fall by and don’t catch me.

– I feel irrationally angry. But thats just me.

– I feel… tired… of all this…

Im gonna go write. I feel like shit.

La di da!

June 9, 2005

So someone thinks I need to update more apparently, so I’m thinkin I’ll go ahead and do that.

This week’s been pretty good all areound actually. Got to go to Edward’s on sunday and hang out, and his mom let me drive him which I assume is a good sign. She had a talk with me about it though lol. I was intimidated, but it was fine. I enjoy being with him… even if we’re not talkign all the time, its nice to be able to just sit in silence and enjoy each other’s company…

I got my first hat yesterday! I finally decided that I like hats so I bought a Von Dutch hat off of Amazon for hella cheap, and its nice.

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“I really want to hear your voice… I Miss you”
If you read that, that made me smile for like ever…

So I just fucking smashed my foot into the computer table. So I’m taking that as a sign that i need to stop.