So just got home from sac. I initially was just gonna go to Arden and back, but i ended up going over to Travis’ house and hanging out with he and Claire for a while, then Claire left and Travis was on the computer for a while and then was apparently exhausted so i went home.

Ive been all insecure about my relationship lately, but Travis put it to rest kinda… I’m apparently more insecure than I thought. He said that he does really like me a lot and so far theres been nothing to change that. Im lame and start thinking people dont like me anymore for no reason. I dont know how to fix it either, and its a really disheartening feeling. Maybe i just need to be reassured more often? But then im being high maintenance and would come off as totally clingy and needy… which I don’t want to be either. BAH. Im a weird person.

Whatever, I just need to realize that he does like me and thats that. I like him, a lot actually, so that should be all that matters.

The distance doesnt matter to me, i have a good income and a good mileage car that makes it not a big problem.

The fact that he hangs out with his ex isnt a problem, as theyre just friends. Kinda a natural “Ehh” kinda suspiciousness about that whole situation but thats just background noise and ive pushed that aside. I trust him, and ive been assured that its nothing.

Basically its great. Tuesday (well wednesday really but i work) is our one month and i have something planned that I haven’t told him about yet, so I cant post it here til it happens.

Anyhoo. Im done.


So things are going freakishly well in my life at the moment. My car is running great, I have quite a bit of money, yet I still can treat myself to nice things, my boyfriend is amazing and I get to see him quite a bit, my friends are awesome, and I’m in the middle of a week off of work (and my week back is super easy).

Basically everything is super-fantabulous. I wanna go to Wal-Mart and get one of those cheap kites and go to the Folsom Lake levee and fly it. But no one to go with. Ho hum.

The day is absolutely freakin fantastic, my windows are all open and its breezy and nice outside. My new cologne is good but im not sure how much im lovin it after 10 minutes, smells slightly like fake tanner. But it was expensive so I have to love it lol.

I look like a total bum today and i love it.

I had the wierdest dream last night. I dreamt my family and I took in a kid from Placerville into our home for christmas whos parents didnt love him, and I fell in love with him. There was that dirty dream element for a bit, but then it went to us all at the dinenr table the last night he was gona be there and he was talking about how amazing it is to be a part of a loving family who cares for him so much, and I was sitting next to him like weeping. I dunno what it means, but I gave my mom a big hug when i woke up. =)

So yea. Kinda rambling now. Gonan drive down to Sac tonight (well, in aa couple hours) and visit Janelle at her work, then give Travis a call to let him know I’m down there lol. Dunno what else.

So last night was the most perfect night ever. In the history of… well anything really.

I got off work at like 10:15 after the most aggravating night ever, and then went down to Travis’. When i got there, he didnt answer the doorbell so i called him and he let me in gave me a hug and a kiss and i put my stuff in his room. We went out back and around the hammock by the pool he had lit a bunch of candles and had music playing, and he gave me a single stem red rose… It was too cute… We cuddled listening to music for a while, then I got cold and we went inside and cuddled on the futon and watched MOST of “Meet the Fockers” *wink wink*. Then a shower and we fell asleep listening to music and cuddled up close.

Ive never had anyone do anyhting that romantic and cute for me before. The candles and rose and music and just… the fact that he cared enough to do any of that for me was kinda… overwhelming in a PERFECT way. I love hopeless romanticism, and it was so amazing.

Ok enough of my gushing.


June 30, 2005

So Travis is totally too sweet. He risked driving up to see me withouta licence AND with Nick in the truck. Dumb, but im really glad he came. I wanted to see him hella bad. Hopefully I’ll be going down friday after work, get some good cuddle time in…

Other than that, everythings average. Nothing out of the norm to report.

So I got out of a not long relationship like 5 days ago. And I just got into another tonight. Me 3 months ago would be like “Whaaat? You need to wait longer, that looks bad and you’re not ready!” But i think I am. I need to stop doing what I think looks good appearances-wise and what i think is the right thing to do (which im usually wrong about anyway lol) and start doing more of what makes me happy. I need to take risks and leaps of faith. Either something will work out or it wont, and if it doesnt i need to learn from it. Like tonight. He asked if I’d be his boyfriend and the first thing that went through my mind was “But its so soon since i got out of a relationship, shouldnt I wait?” So i said id think about it. But as i thought about it, I realised ive moved on pretty securely from last week and the closure i thought i wanted isnt as important and wouldnt bring me any more peace of mind than just moving on would bring. So i decided to do something I never wouldve dreamed of 3 months ago. I took a leap of faith in it working out well and said yes. So now I have a boyfriend again. He’s gorgeous. And awesome. And I dont care what people think.